When Your Narrative Won’t Go Away

When you become aware of a narrative you tell yourself, it is crazy how much you can see it affect almost everything you do. Whether your narrative is being too much, not enough, unlovable, a failure, inadequate, or flawed, we tend to seek out circumstances that confirm what we believe. What do you do when that old narrative keeps popping up in your mind, and how do you change it?

After writing my article on What’s Your Story, I would be lying if I said it didn’t awaken old demons and a wave of emotion that I wasn’t ready for. I came to the harsh realization that I still don’t feel like I am enough. I took a look back at my life and realized my past has been filled with me working hard to get love and having a belief that in order to have love, I must work very hard for it. I have had brief moments in my life of truly believing I am enough, and those are the moments that have given me the courage to create not only my best work but to be my best self.

When I had lived with the belief of being enough, I stepped out and created my own business, which captured the essence of my heart. I enjoyed every moment of prepping for a show and won not only my pro card but the whole show. I created a support group for domestic violence and used a painful situation to give back and make something good come from it. Living in a state of being enough is where I want to live, but if I am being honest, I still haven’t quite nailed it.

This past year has been an incredibly difficult one for me for multiple reasons. I am typically a very outgoing, positive person, and am in tune with emotions and body. I experienced a heartbreaking situation; instead of processing the hurt in a healthy manner, I chose to brush over it and mask my emotions. What I didn’t realize is that by masking my emotions, I wasn’t just masking how I felt; I was masking who I really am. By hiding the areas where I was hurt, I forced myself to act as if I were okay when that couldn’t have been further from the truth.

Maybe you can relate; are you wearing a mask to hide the vulnerable authentic parts? If you are, I promise you aren’t alone. I wish I could tell you I have all the answers or the exact formula to change your narrative for good. What I do know is that life is a journey; we take 3 steps forward and 2 steps back, but eventually we get one foot in front of the other and make the progress we deserve.

In order to take a step forward, let me urge you to take off the mask. Maybe for you, it’s going to therapy and unpacking how you truly feel. Maybe it’s meeting with a friend, and when they ask how you are, you give an honest answer. What I do know is that if we want to strip off the old narrative, we must feel the pain from the old one. You can’t heal what you won’t feel.

What pain do you need to feel that could give you the power to set you free?